Artemis Fowl Drabbles and Bits
by Kyrial Halcoryn
Summary: A bunch of Artemis Fowl assorted stuff. Please review!
1. Unexpected

First fanfic!

I do not own any characters, apart from my own.

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Unexpected

Artemis closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, preparing himself for what she was inevitably going to say, as she had done before. She sat in front of him across his desk, twisting her hands somewhat nervously.

"Erm… could you kind of help me out with the physics homework we got last week?"

He released the breath, and steeled himself for what would probably be a lengthly explanation on the structure of the atom, when something he did not expect happened.

"…and…"

There was a pause. Artemis opened his mismatched eyes in surprise.

"Yes?" He attempted to smile invitingly, remembering what Butler had told him on the common laws of conversation; then promptly stopped, remembering what _Beckett_ had said about that particular smile.

"doyouwannagooutwithmelater?"

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	2. You Are Not Alone

You Are Not Alone

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Artemis stared at the acorn. _Do I really want this?_

Ancient oak, check. Bend in river, check Full moon, check. So why was he waiting?

He wondered whether he wanted to go through the entire "headache" business again every time the moon was full. It had been bad enough last time, he remembered, with all the powerful memories that surfaced at that time.

_Make a decision_, he thought. _Follow it through._

With a sigh, he dibbled a small hole in the ground with the acorn, the pushed it fully in, smoothing the earth over it. For a moment, nothing happened, then a shower of blue sparks erupted from the earth, filling him with their power. He'd almost forgotten what that feeling was like; a new sense opening up once again.

He looked up, spotted a heat haze, and smiled. "You can get on with it now."

There was a sigh, and several invisible hands picked up acorns simultaneously.

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There aren't that many ancient oaks by bends in rivers, so it's pretty likely _someone_ would be doing the ritual at the same spot as Artemis. Even if the site isn't the Lia Faìl.


	3. Screwing With Sonic, Pt 1

Screwing with Sonic Pt. 1

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In another universe, a man, or something that looks very like one, picks up a small metallic object and sighs. Where will he find the components to replace it?

In _this_ universe, however, there is a raven-haired boy, sitting at a workbench and tinkering with a variety of extremely complex-looking electrical components.

A toddler totters up to him. "Simple-toon making Professor Primate better again?"

Artemis looked down at his younger brother Myles, and smiled. "Professor Primate will be back soon, but you have to be patient. After all, you should know the time taken for most people to recover from illnesses such as colds."

"Approximately 5 days," recited Myles.

"Good," said Artemis absently, fiddling with a solder iron.

"What's that?" asked Myles, peering at the desk well beyond his reach.

Artemis held up the device. "Oh, just a personal project. Something to help Mother. Mum, I mean." He winced. "She thought I should use my intelligence for more… practical purposes, as opposed to, say, making money."

"What's it do?"

Artemis sighed. "Well, I'm not actually entirely sure yet. It started out as a project to speed up the renovations in the Manor, but…" He looked ruefully at the tangle of wires. "I ended up adding so many attachments I don't know what to call it any more."

"Swizzy penknife?"

"Actually, that would be rather appropriate. Except it doesn't have blades, is entirely electronic, does rather more than just cut stuff, and currently has about 464 functions. I'm just adding another one." Artemis took it off the desk and showed it to Myles. On closer inspection, it resembled nothing so much as a thin metal tube, albeit one with several buttons, a small square screen and a… the best description would be that of a rather strange bulb with a blue lens over it.

"Oh, sonic screwdriver!" exclaimed Myles.

Artemis put his head in his hands.

The name stuck, of course.

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Good? Bad? Weird? Review... because we have cookies!

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------------Sufficiently advanced science is indistinguishable from magic.------------

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	4. Screwing With Sonic, Pt 2

We regret to interrupt your reading, but...

Yeah, I haven't updated this recently because of my _other_ fanfiction. Sorry, guys! But I will publish again.

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Screwing with Sonic, Pt. 2

"...what exactly is that?"

Artemis turned round to see Butler standing directly behind him, and smiled ruefully. "It _was_ a project for Mother. Mum, I mean. She was complaining about the time taken for all the renovation work to take place. So..." He twirled the object between his fingers. "I made this. Although Myles helped me with the original idea."

"So what is it?" asked Butler, curious.

In way of reply, Artemis picked up a screw, placed it in the hole in the shelf bracket, and applied the device, switching it on. There was a whirring noise for a quarter of a second, then silence. Artemis removed the device.

"...it's a screwdriver?"

"Yes. Although I did some experiments with it. It makes about 1 in every 20 screws explode, probably due to the high-frequency vibrations. It does a lot more that just that, though."

"It's a screwdriver," said Butler, with some certanity.

Artemis sighed.

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Sonic screwdrivers: When you just have a load of shelves to put up.

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Updates for this might be a few weeks. Sorry about that.


	5. The Internet Is For: Pt 1

First update in quite a while. This will be sporadic as I'm focusing on my studies (lol) and the other fanfiction I'm doing.

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Artemis frowned.

_Do it. Do it. Do it._

He gave in, and typed his name into Google, curious to see what Foaly had been talking about.

Results: **1-10** of about **1,120,000** for **artemis fowl**

horseboy77: it's the 3rd page, 7th down

TheboyTheGenius: What exactly is this, anyway?

horseboy77: lol

horseboy77: you'll see

Artemis shook his head, and clicked the appropriate link. He stared at what came up - Faulty Suits and Primate Poo - then scrolled down quickly. He continued to stare.

TheboyTheGenius: ...

horseboy77: you found it then

Pressing Alt-Tab to switch back to the webpage, his fingers flew over the fingerboard, writing a scathing review to the author and finishing off by sending a minor virus to StBu's email address.

horseboy77: did you actually do that, btw?

TheboyTheGenius: No.

horseboy77: are you sure? XD

TheboyTheGenius is offline and may not have received your message.

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StBu owns Faulty Suits and Primate Poo, which is a mature fanfiction, so don't read it unless you're 15 or above. It's pretty good, though. (I'm 16, so don't look at me like that!)


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